Three reasons why people hate successful people

I did not write this but I wanted to share it…

It’s lonely at the top. 99% of the world is convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, so they aim for the mediocre middle-ground. The level of competition is thus fiercest for “realistic” goals, paradoxically making them the most time- and energy-consuming. It is easier to raise $10,000,000 than it is $1,000,000. It is easier to pick up the one perfect 10 in the bar than the five 8s. If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.”

– Tim Ferriss

Everyone glorifies success, but no one ever tells you about the downside that can crush you.

We see it everywhere, and I’m one of the worst offenders – feverishly pursue something you care about and “get successful”  no matter what it takes.

It all seems like unicorns and rainbows – once you get “there” life is easy. With influence, you have opportunities. With money, you have choice. With time, you can do whatever the hell you want.

The truth is that most people glorify only the good parts of success because they aren’t successful yet – and thus don’t realize the dark nature.

Here’s what they didn’t tell you.

Why Everyone Hates You When You’re At The Top

There’s a little known fact that the more successful you become – happier, healthier, fitter, more content – the more the average person begins to hate you.

Think about. Let’s take a dramatic example. A guy rolls up in a smokin’ hot red ferrari to the restaurant you’re having dinner at.

99% of people, after looking at the car, will assume hundreds of things.

Like MJ Demarco talks about in his book The Millionaire Fastlane, once he finally got an ultra-sports car, people assumed all kinds of things about him:

“He must have a tiny dick.”

“He must be a real asshole.”

“He must be compensating for the fact that the rest of his life is total shit.”

Think about it.

When was the last time we saw someone in a sports car, and didn’t assume anything about them, and just observed?

When you say “Wow, cool car huh?” to the average person, all the judgments crop up. “He must have rich parents. He must have inherited it. He must be a douche.” Blah blah blah. The mind goes wild.

The same is true of health.

One of my close friends went from weighing 300+ pounds, to now looking like a fitness model and having a six pack. And he described one of the most hurtful moments of his life like this:

“You know, at first, everyone was like ‘that’s amazing dude, keep going you’re looking good.’ That’s when they still see you’re fat. You aren’t competition, you’re no one special yet. When you lose a few pounds they encourage you. But then I started getting really fit, I lost something like 80 pounds, and was half the size practically. Then the comments changed. Friends and even family would be like, “Whoa, you’re starting to look a bit sickly Sol, you need to gain some weight.” But I was still 230 pounds – a big guy – so I couldn’t understand why they were discouraging me. This is what I wanted my entire life, so why were they saying stuff like that?”

He first-hand observed how mediocrity HATES excellence.

The raw truth is that the average person will HATE YOU for being special. For being amazing. For not watching TV and using your time wisely. For taking your limited time and investing it into a project that adds something amazing to the world.

So why does this happen?

Three reasons.

#1 It reminds them that they caved to fear, uncertainty, pressure, etc. and they gave up.

Think about running into an old college friend.

You’re at a 5 or 10 year reunion, and the dropout friend of yours is now running his own business that he LOVES, helping take people around the world on adventure trips.

And let’s say for the sake of argument you’re kinda stuck in the grind. You were told to take the classic path of get a good job, pay your bills, and then get married.

Suddenly you’re struck with envy, “WTF did he do right that I did wrong? He gets to travel all the time and wake up to something he enjoys, and I don’t.”

And usually, rather than being inspired, we feel resentful. We make excuses. It strikes us at the core – because we realize the WE have a dream too. We wanted to go take that year abroad to go to Spain, or we wanted to volunteer in Costa Rica. But we didn’t, because we got talked out of it or we were too “realistic” about life.

So rather than being inspired, we hate that person. We make excuses, “Well he could do that because XYZ…” and “he doesn’t have responsibilities like I do…” and all kinds of justifications.

But it still bothers us. Deep down we’re pissed off, and mostly pissed off at ourselves. “What happened to that dream I used to have? Why did I give up on it?”

Sometimes when you become successful, hordes of friends, family, and peers begin to not only rationalize their own failure, but try to take away your success. “You had all these resources I didn’t…” they say. But what they’re really doing is telling THEMSELVES a story to feel better.

#2 It reminds them that yeah, they still have a dream, but they aren’t hustling to make it happen.

Sometimes, people realize that they DO have a problem, but they’ve been lapsing on their progress.

Think about health.

Other people might at first support you, but once you start looking INCREDIBLE they envy you, hate you, and will try to steal your success.

“He’s a meat head.”

“She lives in the gym and wears lululemon everywhere.”

“He doesn’t have any other hobbies.”

“She only cares about her appearance.”

You’ve finally lost those 20 pounds and now you’re getting toned and fit and look awesome.

You’re starting to get really comfortable taking your shirt off at the beach, and you begin getting attention for the first time in a very long time.

And suddenly a few of your friends who have been drinking a bit too much beer and partying too much start chiming in, “Don’t you have a life? I feel like fitness is all you do now.”

It’s not even true – since you’re only at the gym a few times a week and you eat healthy otherwise – but you can feel their judgment, and their envy.

The point is that it’s not the truth that matters – it’s the story that people tell themselves (that we tell ourselves) to rationalize inadequacy and mediocrity.

#3 It reminds people that living the average life usually ISN’T fulfilling, it address the dissatisfaction and reminds them about how little they’re doing to combat it.

The highest level here is that it often indicates that the way we’re living – not at all deliberately – flat out produces unhappiness and leaves dreams unfulfilled.

This is the highest level of dissatisfaction and hurt. It kinda makes us think, “Well, shit. Why did I settle? You’re telling me that COULD be my life too?”

It speaks to the dissatisfaction at the core of most people – unwilling, afraid, or unclear about the life they want.

The raw truth is that we’ve all been there – usually health wise or financially- where we go “Shit. This looks awful. How’d it get this bad?” But the DIFFERENCE between the successful person and the average one is that the successful person does what the average person is not willing to do.

They both see the problem and feel the pain.

But only one takes action. Day after day. Month after month. YEAR after year, even when progress stalls or is slow.

So what’s the solution?

Fuck ‘em.

Seriously. That’s the solution.

In all seriousness, inspire people if you can. Show them how it might be possible. Show them hope, show them the roadmap if you can. But if they aren’t willing to take action? Be compassionate if you can, but otherwise move on.

It’s like that Marianne Williamson quote – we don’t fear our darkness, we fear our light. We fear our greatness.

This is me just giving you the heads up – when you see the haters coming, even if they’re your close friends, it’s time to keep moving.

People will hate you no matter what you do, so why not have them hate you for being great?

Why not have them hate you for living the fucking coolest life imaginable?

Why not have them hate you for being really goddamn happy?

And why not have them hate you for living a life that’s so inspiring that people can’t help but talk about it?

Advertisements

11 Comments

  1. Mark says:

    Yikes! People must hate you a bunch!…Beautiful, hot, smart, insightful, living your life in perpetual vacation, on your way to being rich (if you stay home for a couple years and save [hehe]), perfect hair (matches the rest of you), and did I mention HOT!? You make me miss my youth. I wish I were richer, you’d have that gold crown any month you wanted it. I’m so glad I know you, even if you are in reality…just a dream.

  2. Tom says:

    Another kick azz post! Haters will always keep hating. If until something inside them changes. Let’s all hope so. I enjoy your posts!

  3. Quite often more than not it’s a certain type of person that’s willing to the hard yards there called risk takers. Some thrive on it to the point whare they put personal safety at a seriously high risk- Base Jumpers, free walking on high structures or crossing canyons without ropes. Not shore if it’s biological or social. I just remember seeing something on this some time ago.

    Quite often it is also hard for a lot of people to do this due to social background also. And quite often it can not be that easy to “just move on” as Tim Farris says especially when those haters can be family members”
    Then there’s the moral and social tort’s people are being told by governments and a lot of these wealthy people in power tell “you that you must consume goods’ you must marry, you must buy that house or houses and second car”.

    In a capitalist society your programmed into believing your not valued unless you consume goods and the more goods you consume the more your valued. Governments even get caught out occasionally for favouring the corporate world then ridiculing and blaming low income earners and people on welfare for not being part of and participating in the Capitalist Wheel of Consumption. “But the road is getting tougher and one day that Capitalist wheel might just fall off”

    “But wealth and happiness is also not always measured in money and material things for many people.” A good example of this is East Timorese people who I participated in protesting with for many years for there liberation from Indonesia.
    “They still live in poverty but are still very happy.”
    While the Australian and Indonesian governments carved up Gas and Oil rights in the “Timor Gap Treaty.” However this of course was over shadowed by the sacrifice of the freedom of West Papua which never should of happened.
    “All the same I’m still very proud to have been part of Timor’s freedom and will treasure the memories of the announcements of there freedom forever ”.

    Quite often people do reach a point in there life with there health or finances become a problem and quite often all suddenly and it’s not that easy for most people if they don’t have a good social support or financial support to get out of their situation.
    “But the thing I’ve learnt from being in a serous life threatening situation that’s paramount more than anything is your health is the most important thing no matter what”.

  4. Bob says:

    this is a very true !! good article

  5. David K. Gentner says:

    Hi Kick…the article lacks compassion..I have been involved in charity work for years..feed and clothing the homeless, special olyimpics, the elderly, post op patients…they have not settled for mediocrity.
    I hope your hearts attitude is not “Screw em” as the article suggests..sounds like Darwin…I suggest being altruistic!
    The day maybe coming Kick , when you get knocked down in life..and the people behind this article are going to leave you there…they may even laugh about it..but the people that have been shattered
    before are going to be the ones that pick you up.
    What have posted to day is not the Kick I have come to know in the past two years..
    with good intentions David Gentner

  6. husky says:

    This vampire lady is awesome! Everybody loves her! Keep up the good work! Just be low key. It can be lonely if you are up there and nobody knows what exactly is going on. SO keep enjoying your life. Just act like a secret agent ninja 🙂

  7. BurningPyre says:

    There is a notion in philosophy called the Just World Hypothesis. In essence it’s the tendency for people to believe that we get what we deserve. It’s pervasive, pernicious and provably false.

    Some of the ideas in the article seem to revolve around the corollary to that notion, which is that if you’re stuck in a dead end job, lonely and miserable that it is somehow YOUR FAULT. Even the most generous accounting will more often than not show that that is simply not the case. A strict determinist will say it’s absolutely untrue in all cases.

    Do people hate success? Absolutely. But I don’t think it’s less because ‘there but for the grace of god, go I’. More likely because those people you see around you who are happier or healthier than you are lucky. Not deserving, not better, just incredibly fortunate.

    There is one thing a successful person can do to allay the envy of those around them. Admit, to yourself and to everyone else, that you have been lucky. Your dice came up sixes, and everyone else lost out. Once that difficult truth is laid bare, it is much harder to feel envious. It could have been anyone. It happened to be you. Enjoy it, but never believe you deserve it.

  8. Hulkman says:

    Am happy for you good Luck down there

  9. Tim Ferris has a very narrow selfish minded view of success. many of the most successful people in the world have very little in material wealth. It’s a very narrow view to have Kick. There are so many great people in the world doing so much with very little in return

  10. Leila says:

    I love this article! Every single person makes their life whether by choice or default and ties very perfectly into law of attraction. Energy flows where focus goes and yes every single person can be successful and live a happy and fulfilling life if they were to so chose! Thank you 🙂

  11. Gross says:

    Eeew Kickaz. This shit is narrowed minded and presumptuous as fuck, if people hate you, this is why. I get your need to believe in meritocracy in order to defend your success. Ironically, your success speaks very much to the fact the the world, least of all MyFreeCams, is not a meritocracy. As a middle class, white woman you enjoy massive unearned advantages, particularly in your industry of choice. Sure you’re hard working and I admire that, but do you really think someone as average looking and uninspiring as yourself (or any of the other run of the mill white girls who dominate MFC) is successful due solely to merit? As far as race, class, nationality and physical appearance you enjoy unearned advantages that deserve to be acknowledged in your discussion of “success.”
    To be real Kick, you’re balling financially but the perspective you reveal here shows that you’re far from a success. You’re just another rat they’ve fooled into loving the race, but yea, keep thinking that people hat e you because you’re successful.

Comments are closed.