I don’t have a title

This is probably the hardest piece of writing I have ever had to do within this blog and most probably in my life. I am not sure I can really find the exact words to express myself the best I can for this, in fact I am not even sure I have even quite absorbed the situations in my head yet, but unfortunately life sometimes throws you random things that you never in a million years would have thought you had to deal with.  Now I imagine it like a poker game, you have to play the cards you are dealt and sometimes some of those cards just suck. However there are times that a good player can play the weak cards and win the game. I am now trying to be that player.

I have briefly mentioned in another post that I had some health problems that made things harder in my daily life and could have impacted my performance on cam, which is something that I take great pride in. I was trying to be a bit vague because I wasn’t too happy thinking about it let alone discuss the details of the situation. Unfortunately despite my biggest hopes and trying to do proactive things like changing to a super healthy lifestyle and having access to modern medical facilities, things did not improve. Unfortunately now the only way to fix my situation is to perform a very invasive surgery. I was waiting all this time in hopes that I would have had to avoid that but it seems like my ovarian tumors have gotten much larger and they have found pre malignant cells. I never in a million years would have thought I would have had to deal with this at my age but now I know it happens and life can be completely random to anyone.

The good news is that things are not without hope and my life is not over yet, however I will have to make huge sacrifices to continue the fight. One of the biggest is to give up camming. It’s really hard for me to imagine not doing what I love anymore, however after my surgery in early May I have decided to take a break from the online world and focus on my health. I don’t know how long the break will be, it could be a few months, a year or I may not come back, however I need to do this in order to get better.

I am telling you all this because a lot of you have been really close people in my life, you have helped me through hard times sometimes without even realizing you were doing it. You have changed my life and believed in me and helped me become the person I am today. I think it would not sit well with me if I just pretended nothing happened and one day I just disappeared without telling anyone anything.

I do not want any of you to pity tip me after knowing this. I would want you to do it only and ONLY if I ever did anything to entertain you and make you smile. That would make me a lot happier than people feeling sorry for me because I refuse to feel sorry for myself.

Since this is not a topic I am happy thinking about or discussing I please ask you to keep it away from the room discussions or even emails, PMs and twitter. If I don’t reply to your messages about this please understand that it really means a lot to me you are thinking of me but writing back about it even if you sent a nice message makes me feel depressed. I want April to be filled with happy memories and I don’t want sadness to spoil any of this. I REFUSE to let this bring me down and I promise you I will fight it!

Also I realize there is a Kickaholic raffle going on till the end of May. I am changing the deadline of that to the end of April and the winner can choose to wait until I am fit to travel or can pick the alternative prize which is an oil painting.

You will be missed Kickland!

23 Comments

  1. Gary says:

    In the face of fear, may you find courage.. I truly wish you the best. Here’s to a speedy recovery.. Remember you have a lot of people in your corner 😉

  2. Hey Kicky,

    I like you a lot. I think you are interesting and you have good taste in music. I like your art as well. I write and paint too… so there is that common interest. I only know you from following you on twitter and occasionally having your room up listening to music as I go about other things. I think it would be a shame if you disappeared completely. I understand if you do… but I look forward to seeing what you are up to. I am literally nothing to you. you commented on my dogs pic once. 🙂 But you have value to me and probably others that are in your room and follow you. Even if you don’t cam girl or make videos like that anymore, I would be interested in following you and maybe being friends on whatever level.

    anyway. I hope everything goes well for you and you don’t disappear. you are entirely too much fun to just leave.

    1. For what its worth… I like your room because you are presenting who you are and not sex. you don’t do sex shows and screech at people for not tipping. you always keep it fun and about “hanging out with friends, listening to music” or watching you paint something. the vibe of your room makes me think of a true geisha. the girl that entertains and is a hostess that facilitates fun. Being sexy without being sex. A lot of the girls have nothing to offer but visual stimulation. That is what sets you apart. People like you for you and not the show.

      Besides, I like the way you do the exciting finger count as you bounce to the music. : /

  3. Goofy154Dog says:

    I will be thinking of you and wish you a speedy recovery with the best possible outcome. Your positive approach to life will get you through this difficult period.

  4. Whim says:

    While I am sad at hearing this news, I still have every faith in you to beat this and triumph over adversity. It’s what you do. You are the most positive force on MFC. Not a one hit wonder but a perpetual force of fun, laughter and classy perviness.

    Cards are dealt and we then deal with the hand dealt but no hand is permanent. Cards change as do fortunes. Believe in yourself as so many believe in you. Love yourself as so many love you.

    You will beat this.

    Kickland is a beautiful, breathing entity thanks to you and your own beauty and positivity. It is too big and vibrant to just disappear. Whatever you decide to do, or need to do, it will live on with the breath you have breathed into it, as only you could.

    Be well, Kick and kick ass like only you can do!

    @JustWhim

  5. Pretorian God says:

    health first take care you keep in touch.. you have my info

    ________________________________

  6. TugNuggets says:

    Kick,

    You are an inspiring woman. Your creativity, enthusiasm, artistic ability and your smile are refreshing. You provide so much to so many people. It is time for them to provide for you. Thank you for all the hard work and energy you pour into your room. It shows every day. We love you Kick.

  7. Oh my gosh. You are wonderful. My daughter is a cam girl. Your fans (me) will miss you. See you when you are fit as.

  8. Doyle Crane........alfalfaman says:

    fully support you in what ever you decide…..xoxo

  9. Angie says:

    Hi Kicka)
    First of all,let me tell you that i really appreciate you as a camgirl, you were one of the first models i saw on mfc 3 years ago.
    You put a lot in this work…so you get back, because of your hard work. I feel you in your health problem,because i had the same thing.
    You know,it’s amazing to do what you love,to work hard and to be “workaholic”. But when woman start to put all herself into work,without being really happy inside of her and not living the real life, some day she found like something is missing.
    You need to fucus on YOU,what makes you happy besides this work? What makes you feel happy as a woman.
    Maybe you need somebody to love and to love you, if you don’t want to marry or to have kids i’m not sayin you have to do that, but somebody to love and to be happy with in real life (and i really wish you this, because inside of us we all want to be loved and happy).You need this rest from MFC for yourself. You always can back,anytime,anyday and you will be missed on mfc. Life often tell us things thrugh things happening with us. If we have serious health problems, probably life telling us to stop and think about our life.
    I wish you luck and all the best, you are an amazing personality, hugs.

  10. Andy says:

    Hi kicka,
    Without good health nothing else really matters, l know as l am going through that stage myself, so fight the good fight and come back from it stronger, time is of the essence. Hugs.

  11. slomvr says:

    You will be missed, but with your determination and inner strength I am sure you will be triumphant. Having been through this with a spouse can sympathize with some of your concerns. Know that we and I will always be here for you even though we have never met personally friends always take care of friends. Keep us posted when you can

  12. Kick, You Have A Great Positive approach to life you built a great community in Kickland we all will be here for you! Hugs for a Positive outcome & speedy recovery you can get through this… Love you….. Hugs

  13. Walruz73 says:

    Kick,
    Remember what your dad taught you:
    “My dad told me to never give up no matter how shitty it gets, and he is right: I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!”
    Love, Bearhugs, and Positive Vibes
    Wally

  14. Roadtour says:

    I will be thinking of you and wish you a speedy recovery .

  15. Kick, “Life shrinks or expands in direct proportion to one’s courage” Anais Nim. Your courage is unlimited Kick. May your life be full of joy and endless possibilities, do not fear the shadows but embrace them for then you will know where light resides.

  16. David Rosenblum says:

    Hi kick. Havent been to your cam in ages but you helped me through a real crisis in my life and would like you to.count on my support and love through your ordeal. If you need any thing from me let me know. Even if you just want to talk about it. I am manufan and grad of med school in guadalajara. We spoke a lot a few months ago about how you class up the web. I wish you the best and any decision you make will be respected and understood. Good luck and i am sure w your upbeat sense of humor and positivity everything will turn out for the best. Email me if you want to talk. Im 2nd yr resident in psychiatry so im a good listener. Love and prayers for you kick.
    Manufan

  17. Ron Thompson says:

    As much as I would dearly miss seeing you on cam, the MOST important thing is for me to know that you are healthy and happy, so that’s what you have to work on foremost.

    While I’ve rarely had the expendable income to to you much (4 kids is an expensive life), you have made me smile and feel good watching you on cam for the past 3 years or so and for that I am forever in your debt. You really are the ONLY reason that I’ve ever come to MFC since the first time that I saw you, and you are the ONLY reason that I ever bought tokens and the only one that I’ve ever tipped in 3 years. You make me smile with your bubbly personality, and not many people can do that for me.

    I do hope that your recovery is short, and that everything goes in your favor along the way. Just get well!

    I do hope that you can continue here on your blog as you recuperate, as I think you write very well and I’ve enjoyed your blog posts….And to keep us up to date on your progress.

    Much love and happiness to you.
    Ron
    {Thanatos63 on MFC}

  18. exaybaychay says:

    I suppose this is a sad and wonderful world according to Puddles the Clown of Puddles Pity Party. You should listen to him. His is inspiring. As usual one has on idea what is really going on with other people on the interwebs. As much as we want it to be personal and intimate it really isn’t. There is cancer in my family and I am so angry that the powers that be aren’t concerned with the root causes but only with expensive treatment… not even real cures. I only know that I find myself looking past the sexual on sites like mfc and always want to know what’s really in their lives and minds emotionally as well as physically. I usually get banned because I want to know the deeper sadness I know most of these girls are dealing with. We are an inexplicable species aren’t we? Get well. Hang on. You have many more years to enjoy if you want it. My own brother has “battled” cancer for over a decade and he doesn’t even seem bothered by it… not being stoic and heroic. Just living life and enjoying his wife, kids and grandkids. I envy him despite the looming prospect of leaving this mortal coil as they say. Anyway as usual I tend to write a novel when I encounter things on the interwebs. Be good. You are a fascinating young woman.

  19. No One says:

    And I bet you made a lot of people happier while camming, I am sure as hell was one of those people, you weren’t the first model I saw, but you definitely was the reason I created an account on MFC. I am not usually a positive person, but I will send all the positivity I can to you, you deserve it, you may not know that, but you made me company when I felt lonely, and you made me laugh when I didn’t think it was possible. Stay classily pervy.

  20. chis piper - hillman37 says:

    hi sorry i have not been here for a while just got your news sorry to hear. Im just got over 2 heart attack and a stroke so when it is looks black it is still it possible to come back in the end you can come in the end .So keep the faith and keep your chine up you will be come out the other side stronger then ever. If I can do it I am sure you will be alright

  21. jan erik says:

    Be well, Kick and kick ass like only you can do!

  22. Roger Cavén says:

    Thank you for letting us know. Hope you will recover even if it takes some time. With my best wishes for your health. Roger

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